


We're Having a... Baby?!?!

by joeyrz



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-02-05
Updated: 2001-02-05
Packaged: 2017-10-17 06:58:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/174130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joeyrz/pseuds/joeyrz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joxer has kept a secret for Ares, and now he has more than one secret to tell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Having a... Baby?!?!

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: For Shamenka: You’re a great inspiration for a lot of us. Thank you for all the great fic you’ve given all of us through the years. This is my little homage to you. Happy Birthday, Gal! I hope it’s everything (or at least part of what) you wanted.  
> Notes 2: *Very* Special thanks to my Muse and Beta, JaimeBlue! I couldn’t have done this without all the help you’ve so gladly given me. You’re a doll, babe. Thanks for being there. (Any errors are mine only)  
> Notes 3: More thanks to my best friend, Idi. Who even though this isn’t exactly her cup o’ tea, gives me all the support I need and some really, really *nice* ideas...  
> Notes 4: ~*~*~ is break within timeline, ~~~~~ is break from present to past and vice versa  
> Notes 5: I tried my best to include marzipan... I don’t know if I got the thing right...   
> Notes 6: (oh gods, when will they stop!?) There is a little mention from a movie here. A little chocolate Ares or Joxer to whoever spots it.

“So what’s this again?”

Ares picked up a pastry off the platter on the bed and fed it to his lover.

“It’s marzipan covered chocolate cakes. Aunt Hestia prepared them for me. She’s been doing it for centuries. Do you like it?”

Joxer licked the melted chocolate off Ares’ fingers and smacked his lips.

“It’s really go--” Joxer brought up a hand to cover his mouth. Turning slightly green, he scrambled out of the bed and ran to the washroom next to the sleeping chamber in Ares’ temple.

Ares looked at the closed door and winced as he heard the sounds of Joxer puking coming from inside. Glancing down at the platter on the bed, Ares picked up one of the pastries and sniffed it cautiously.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Where’s Jox, Unk?” Strife asked as he pulled of a large piece of the sweet cake he was eating and shoveled it into his mouth.

“I swear I’ll never understand mortals. He’s been sick these last few days, and instead of letting me call Asclepius, he goes off to meet with Xena and her little bard.”

“So, Dad... have you talked to Granddad yet?”

“No Cupe, I don’t think the old man would be too thrilled about that.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t ask.”

“Stop bugging me, Cupid. I still have to think about it.”

“You don’t have forever!”

“And neither do you if you keep nagging! I’m gonna go find Joxer. He told me that Gabrielle had broken her leg... I could use a laugh or two right about now.” Ares got up from his chair, dusted himself off and promptly disappeared.

Strife had been silently watching the exchange while he ate his breakfast. As he took the last bite, he turned to his lover.

“What was that ‘bout?”

“What?” Cupid asked distractedly.

“What were ya an’ Unk talkin’ ‘bout?”

“Nothing.”

“Ya’ were talkin’ ‘bout nothin’.”

“Nothing.”

“It’s not possible ta’ talk ‘bout nothin’.”

“Yes it is. *We’re* talking about nothing,” Cupid answered grinning.

“Ya’ suck!”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Pulling off his ‘helmet’, Joxer stomped down the path until he came into a small clearing. Taking a deep breath, he shouted to the skies, “Father! Hadad!”

He waited until a crackle of lighting signaled the arrival of the Syrian god of rain, lighting and fertility.

“Why Joxer, that... armor is very... becoming.”

“Please, let’s not beat that dead horse around again, Father. Now could you please tell me what’s wrong with me?” Joxer cut Hadad off before he could speak. “And don’t play innocent with me. I know you know.”

Hadad grinned... he was going to enjoy this. “Well son, it’s really quite simple. You’re pregnant.”

“I’m what!?”

“You’re pregnant.”

“I’m preg--”

“Pregnant. Knocked up. With a bun in the oven.”

“You’re joking. Please tell me you’re joking! Dad! I’m a man!”

“Joxer, you’re the son of the god of fertility. You should’ve known you’d be fertile.”

“Yeah, but... I thought that... I mean, my wife should’ve... she would be the one... not ME!”

“Yes, yes. That would have worked all fine and dandy, except that you forget that you have a male lover. A godly male lover.... an Olympian lover... one that I, your father, have yet to meet.”

“Dad! Ares thinks I’m mortal. How could I tell him that I’m a god... a Syrian god, of all things? You know how the Olympians don't exactly get along with the rest of us, if you know what I mean." ”

“I don’t know, but you’ll have to find a way soon, because last I knew, mortal men can’t have babies.”

Mumbling under his breath, Joxer said, “That’s what I thought about gods too.”

“Now, now... giving birth is something truly precious...”

“Oh, spare me, Father! Look, I’m gonna go. I told Ares I was visiting Xena. I’ll talk to you later.”

As Joxer started to run down the path he heard Hadad yell, “ Don’t run with that thing on! You have to watch your step now that you’re pregnant.”

Wincing at the reminder, he slowed down.

“And I wanna meet my son-in-law!” Thunder struck as Hadad left the clearing.

Joxer sighed as he made his way back to Corinth.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Xena stopped talking and raised her hand at her companion to quiet her down. She hastily finished bandaging Gabrielle’s leg. She rose and turned, unsheathing her sword and holding it defensively in front of her in one fluid motion.

“Show yourself, Ares. I know you’re there!” she called out.

Ares walked forward, appearing from a bright flash of light, that he left to dissipate behind him.

“When don’t you? Oh yeah... when I don’t want you to know,” he sneered.

Xena looked slightly aghast, fearing that Ares could actually look in on her without her knowing. Clearing her throat, she straightened her back and tried to look menacing.

“What do you want, Ares?”

“Oh... I want a lot of things, you could hardly gimme a small amount of them. But if you’re asking what do I want with you, today... well, nothing much. To be honest, nothing at all.”

“Then what are you doing here?” Gabrielle, who had finally managed to get on her feet, holding tightly to her staff, asked.

“Now *that’s* a good question. Another good question would be how exactly did you break your leg?” The last part came out with a trace of laughter.

Gabrielle looked uncomfortable at having the questioning turned at her.

“I tripped and fell down a ravine--” She stopped talking as Ares broke down in laughter.

A few minutes passes before his laughing tapered off a bit. Finally confident he wouldn’t start laughing again if he tried to talk, Ares continued his questioning.

“You tripped?! And I missed that?! Oh gods... I’ll have to take some time to visit the Halls of Time soon...”

“Yes well,” the bard shifted her hold on the staff. “It seems I’ve spent too much time with Joxer lately. He’s rubbing off on me.”

Ares sobered at the mention of his lover.

“Where is the little... pest?” He internally cringed at having to use the slur to refer to his partner, but Joxer had been adamant about not telling his friends about their relationship. The newness of it still made Joxer doubt that Xena and Gabrielle would understand them.

“Why do you care?” Xena asked, confusion and worry on her face.

“Just curious. He prays from time to time, and I thought he said he’d be meeting up with you two.”

Gabrielle scoffed. “Knowing Joxer, he either killed himself or got sidetracked at some whorehouse.”

That did it for Ares. He turned to look at the bard, and started collecting power. “You, Gabrielle, talk *way* too much!” As he talked, he materialized a metal plate over Gabrielle’s lips.

She started to try and pull it off to no avail. It didn’t hurt except when she tried to move her lips underneath, so after a few minutes of Xena and her trying to get it off, they gave up.

“Take it off, Ares!” Xena growled.

“No, she needs to learn to know when to shut that big mouth of hers. It’ll come off, eventually...” he trailed off as he disappeared.

Xena sheathed her sword clumsily, and looked up suddenly when Gabrielle’s stomach growled... their gazes locked in apprehension. Neither of them had eaten yet.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Joxer walked back down the road, hoping to make it to Ares’ temple before nightfall. He really wished he could just ‘zap’ in, but is lover had magic surrounding his temple so to not permit the entrance of any god, except Strife, Cupid or himself. And since Joxer had his powers suppressed, he passed as mortal. Chuckling quietly he remembered the day Ares changed the spell so not to let Bliss in without Cupid or Aphrodite with him.

Suddenly turning slightly green again, Joxer darted off the road to some bushes nearby and started heaving. After throwing up what little he had in his stomach, the remaining dry heaves racked his body. Exhausted and in pain, he collapsed on the ground, calling out his lover’s name.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Ares paced outside the closed doors of his chambers, trying to calm down. Asclepius was taking care of Joxer... he would be fine. Shuddering, he remember back to just an hour or so ago, showing up to his lover’s call and finding him sprawled on the grass, sweat covering his face. Ares didn’t remember when he had felt as scared as he had right then.

He had picked Joxer up and transported them to Olympus, where he got his nephew to come over quickly.

Turning as he heard the door open, he rounded up on Asclepius.

“Well?! How is he? Is he gonna be alright? Is it serious?”

“Well... He’s doing much better now. Yes, he’s going to be all right. And how serious... it all depends on your point of view of the situation.”

“Situation? What situation?”

The medicine god rubbed his beard. “He hasn’t told you?”

“Told me what?”

The younger god looked nervous.

“Maybe you should ask him.” He pointed to the chambers he had just exited and made a quick exit.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hey, stud. How are you?”

Joxer smiled tiredly at his lover. “Did Asc’ tell you?”

“No. He thought you should tell me.”

“coward,” Joxer muttered under his breath.

Ares settled next to him on the bed, and Joxer took a deep breath and the whole story just came out.

After a few moments of silence, Ares shook his head, rolled his shoulders and breathed deeply.

“You’re a god.... and you’re pregnant with my son.”

“Or daughter.”

“Or daughter...”

“Ares, you ok?”

Ares blinked out of his shock when he heard the fear and insecurity in Joxer’s voice.

Pulling his lover close, he whispered fervently, “Yeah... I’m ok. Thank you.”

Relaxing at those words, Joxer nestled against Ares and smiled.

~*~*~*~*~*~

It was gonna be a long day, Ares thought as he tried to get Joxer comfortable in the seats in his father’s study. Why he called this ‘room’ a study, he never knew. It’s not like he studied here. He worked here. Why not call it the ‘workroom’?

He pulled back his thoughts as Joxer squirmed in his seat, anxious about releasing the restrain on his powers while in Zeus’ presence.

“Calm down, Jox. He won’t do anything to you. He may be a bastard, but he will not harm you if you’re carrying my child. I’ll see to it.”

“I trust you, Ares. And I’m not worried about Zeus, not that much anyway. But Dad may just show up here if he realizes I’ve revealed my identity to the Olympians.”

Ares paled, remembering the tension between the Syrian god and his father from a long time ago.

Clearing his throat, he knelt next to his lover. “You ready, babe?”

Taking a deep breath, Joxer nodded. Trying to relax and unclench his muscles, he let go of the mental restraints he had on his powers.

Almost immediately Zeus appeared in his study, alerted to the presence of a non-Olympian there. He looked around surprised to see just Ares and his lover, Joxer. He did a double take and realized that the ‘other’ god was Joxer.

“Ares! What is going on here?!”

A lighting bolt signaled the arrival of Joxer’s father.

“I’ll tell you what’s going on here! That boy of yours got my son pregnant!”

“WHAT?!”

“I’ll tell you that I’m not too happy about not being able to approve of this before it was too late!”

“Dad!”

“Now, shush Joxer. Zeus and I are talking.”

“Now wait a minute, Hadad. You knew about this?”

“Who do you think told Joxer he was knocked up? It was a matter of time in this kind of relationship with my boy.”

Ares turned to Joxer. “You knew this could happen?”

“I’m the son of the god of fertilely among other things. It was a definite probability.”

“And you couldn’t tell me this before because...” he trailed off, wanting Joxer to fill in the blank.

“Because then I’d have to tell you my dad’s your dad’s biggest rival.”

“Not biggest,” Hadad argued.

“Not rival, really,” Zeus agreed.

Joxer and Ares gaped at them. “Then why are you two always putting the other down?”

“And picking fights?”

“And making us kids, rivals?”

Zeus adjusted his vest, and wished to have his long beard back, stroking it always soothed him. Hadad just grinned.

“Well, guys. Do you know the saying: there’s a fine line between love and hate?”

“You mean you two are...” Joxer gulped.

“That you guys are...” Ares looked green around the edges.

Zeus and Hadad looked at each other fondly.

“Off and on again.”

“Your mother sometimes joins us, so she isn’t terrible jealous.”

Joxer ran out of the room, holding a hand over his mouth, looking for the nearest bowl, while Ares tried valiantly to keep a straight face. He couldn’t decide if the thoughts that managed to intrude in his mind were disgusting or somewhat arousing. He settled for disturbing and shuddered slightly.

“You did not have to go there, father.”

“Oh, sorry.”

Just then Hera entered the room, and practically purred as she saw Hadad in the room.

“Why dearest... has it been 10 years already?” she said, while squeezing in between her husband and their lover.

“No, Hera. It seems our boys are in love. And Joxer is pregnant.”

“Joxer is your son? I knew there was something off about him. Oh well, maybe this marriage will finally unite our pantheon.”

Ares, who had closed his eyes against the vision of his parents being... flirty... with Hadad, snapped them open and squeaked,

“Marriage!?”

~*~*~*~*~*~

He knew it was gonna be a long day. In fact, it was so long, that before Ares knew it, two weeks had gone by.

Ares looked on at the patio of his father’s temple, where Cupid and Strife were the only ones left dancing as the early morning rays bathed Olympus in it’s beauty.

Hermes had taken off shortly after the ceremony, needing a break after delivering invitations to every member of the Olympian and Syrian pantheon. Most of the other gods had slowly trickled out.

In one corner, Aphrodite and Hephaestus made out, while Bliss slept in a little floating cloud Cupid had created for him.

Joxer’s brothers, Jett and Jace were talking to the only two mortals present: Iolaus and Autolycus. Ares grinned as he remembered telling the news to his husband’s erstwhile traveling companions.

~~~~~~~~~~

Joxer had decided that they walk into Xena’s camp, where they knew that Hercules and Iolaus where spending the night.

It had been a mistake to hold hands, because as soon as Hercules and Xena saw them, they thought that Ares was holding Joxer prisoner.

“Joxer! Are you alright?!”

“Ares, let him go, now!”

Ares would never forget the look in their facer as Joxer pressed himself closer to him.

“I’m fine guys. We... Ares and I wanted to talk to you.”

The fantastic four waited for Joxer to continue.

Joxer shifted from one foot to another, and took a deep breath. “The thing is guys... Ares and I ... I’m a... uh...”

Ares rolled his eyes and finished Joxer’s sentences.

“He’s pregnant. We’re in love. Joxer’s a Syrian god.”

Only one smile could be seen in the group. Iolaus bounced towards Joxer, grinning.

“That’s wonderful news, Joxer! Are you really a god?” Joxer was too distracted with the reactions of the rest of the group to actually answer his one-time companion.

Hercules looked like a fish out of water, surprised mouth opening and closing without forming words. Xena’s face showed more and more and anger as each moment passed by. And Gabrielle was flat on her back, holding onto her stomach as she laughed her ass off.

Xena’s anger finally peaked and she grabbed Joxer by his shirt.

“You’re a god?!” she hissed. “You’re a fucking god, and you’ve never told us?! How long has this little fling of your with Ares has been going on? You’ve been feeding information about us to him, haven’t you? Telling him our plans! You traitor!”

She’d been shaking Joxer by his shirt all this time, and as she finished her accusations, she pushed him back, causing Joxer to trip on her bedroll and fall down.

Ares was instantly by his side, checking on the baby as his mother had taught him, while Hercules picked Xena up from behind, holding her arms at her side.

Zeus and Hadad showed up then in twin crackles of lighting and thunder. They had seen everything, but had stayed away at Joxer’s insistence that he could deal with his ‘friends’. But once Xena had gotten physical with Joxer, all bets had been off.

Hadad and Zeus approached Xena and the still laughing Gabrielle.

“You have exactly two seconds to apologize to my son!” Hadad roared.

Both Xena and Gabrielle snorted at the thought of apologizing to Joxer.

Hadad suddenly grinned at them. “Well, since you’re both so fond of snorting, and need to learn a lesson...” he trailed off and looked at Zeus, mischief glinting in his eyes.

They nodded in unison and collected power and within seconds Hercules was holding a black haired pot belly pig and another smaller brownish pig rolled on Gabrielle’s bedroll.

Hercules couldn’t decide whether to grin or scowl as he put Xena down at her insistence. He knew that even though he could hear the horrified screams and shrieks of Xena and Gabrielle, all the others could hear were grunts and squeals coming from the pigs.

Hercules straightened up and saw Iolaus looking at him expectantly.

Sighing, Hercules turned towards his brother and Joxer.

“I can’t say I approve nor can I say I’m sorry for my point of view here. But I do accept it. It’s your lived... and well, if you’re sure you’re happy...” he trailed off, grinning when Joxer nodded enthusiastically.

Hadad nudged Zeus and mock whispered to him, “Can we trust your boy there not to cause any trouble?”

Looking at the warriors turned pigs, Zeus grinned. “Well, we can give him something to do... put those talents of his to use.”

Joxer piped in. “They *are* pretty vulnerable right now.”

“I don’t know, Jox. Wouldn’t you like a nice pork chop right about now?”

“Ares!”

~~~~~~~~~~

Iolaus had gone to tell Autolycus as Hercules had gone to get settled in his mother’s farm with Xena and Gabrielle.

Ares grinned as Autolycus seemed to take warmly to Jace’s not-so-subtle advances, while Jett and Iolaus compares dagger throwing techniques.

Joxer returned to his side after being sure that his family were all okay on their way home.

“Hey Jox. You tired?”

Joxer sighed and nodded, leaning into Ares’ hands, which were massaging the sore muscles of his back and shoulders. Opening one eye, he looked over at his now son in law and Strife, still on the dance floor.

“They still dancing?” he asked incredulously.

“Yep.”

“Gods... to have that much energy!”

Ares chuckled. “So... Joxer, the Syrian god of peace. Quite a bomb to drop on me during the ceremony.”

“You should’ve seen your face,” Joxer giggled. “But honestly, Ares. Don’t you believe that opposites attract?”

“Oh... they do... and how they do,” Ares said between placing little kisses and nibbles on Joxer’s jaw. “I love you.”

“And I, you.”

Getting up, Ares pulled his loved to his feet and pressed tightly to him.

“So hubby... you wanna start that honeymoon you and ‘Dite have been planning?”

“I thought you’d never ask!”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Ares couldn’t believe it had been nine months already.

Hadad and Zeus had gone back to senseless bickering. Hercules had asked to asked to have his ability to understand pigs taken away, he couldn’t deal with Xena and Gabrielle’s constant prattle. And Hera had been busy fussing over Joxer every second of the day.

And now the big day was here, and Ares held Joxer’s hand as his mother and Asclepius worked to get the baby out of Joxer. He thanked the Fates that, unlike him, Joxer had the ability to heal himself instantly.

He brushed the hair out of Joxer’s forehead, and leaned down to place a gentle kiss on his lips. A few minutes later, crying could be heard as Hera pulled out of Joxer’s belly the little baby.

“It’s a boy!” she gushed with all her grandmotherly pride. She Held the little baby god tenderly to clean his face and body.

When Asclepius cut the cord, she placed the baby in his father’s arms. Ares leaned down so that Joxer could kiss and looked at him.

“Say hi to mommy,” Ares joked.

“You repeat that and you’re never gonna be a daddy again, you shit.”

“Not in front of the baby, son,” Hadad said as he and the rest of the family tried to crowd into the room. But one look at Hera’s stern face and they all retreated to safer grounds.

Asclepius finished overseeing the healing of Joxer’s abdomen and covered him with a blanket from the foot of the raised bed.

“All’s well down here. You’ve gotta rest for at least two days, ok Joxer? See to it, Ares.”

Both of them agreed silently. The healer nodded, picked up his things and left the room, too busy with other patients to stay any longer.

Hera sat down on the bed next to Joxer, who could barely keep his eyes open.

“So boys... Do you know what you’re gonna call him?”

Joxer nodded sleepily and managed to say the name between yawns, before falling asleep.

“Virgil...”

Ares looked down at the baby god in his arms and whispered, “Our Virgil.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Joxer snuggled into his husband’s side, and started to lightly kiss his neck and shoulders. Growling softly, Ares rolled Joxer underneath him and attacked his neck. Moaning, Joxer spread his legs so that Ares could slip between them.

Ares continued his assault on Joxer’s neck, shoulders and collarbone, finally stopping at his nipple to lave and nip at them. While he paid attention to them, he started a slow rocking motion, sliding their cocks together.

Between moans and grunts of pleasure, broken words of want, need and love escaped both gods. Joxer ran his hands down Ares’ back, until he reached his ass. He clung tightly to the firm globes and pulled Ares harder onto him, increasing the pressure.

Ares came first, as Joxer slipped a finger to play with between his cheeks. A few moments later, Joxer came, sliding through the wet heat of his lover’s seed.

Ares collapsed on top of Joxer, and managed to gather enough strength in his arm to pull up the blanket over their cooling bodies. As they slipped off back to sleep, a small whirlwind opened the door and threw itself on the bed, jostling the two, almost sleeping gods.

“Dads!”

“Morning, Virgil,” Joxer yawned. “Why are you up so early?”

“Gran’da’s visitin’. He’s with Gran’pa and Gran’ma eatin’ breakfast. They told me to get you.”

“What for?” Ares grumbled underneath his pillow.

Virgil giggled at the sleepy gruffness of his dad, and got comfortable, sitting cross-legged next to his dads.

The six-year-old recited as if he had memorized what his grandparents had told him to tell them.

“They say that Uncle Jace and Uncle Autolycus have some news to share with the family.”

The two older gods looked at each other, remembering how Jace had been sick last night during dinner... and the night before, and the last, then broke down laughing.

The end


End file.
